I wouldn't like to say that I coasted through my undergraduate degree (there were tough challenges, piling deadlines and endless reading to catch up on, as with any course), but overall I am still very proud of how easily I balanced the work and play ratio.
There's no reason to assume I can't do it again, but the nerves are bound to fray at the prospect of entering a new level of academia after living so long as a working lad. In a world of clocking on and off, I'm concerned my self-discipline over my unscheduled free time has seriously waned. After three years of shift work and never knowing when the weekend will be, a dose of selfishness sets in on those sporadic days off, and having a good sit down always takes presidence over spur of the moment grand plans.
Having written this, I would wager that my anxiety has nothing to do with the course itself, and far more to do with how I'm going to deal with a new lifestyle where I'm my own boss for a year. Jeez, I'm such a slut for a rota.
What I must remember is that my time as an undergraduate was endlessly inspiring. My flatmates were perpetually inspiring, and besides their effect on my coursework, I was constantly painting, filming and writing. Since then, the exhaustion and stress of an erratic shift pattern within a company that had slowly squandered my passion and loyalty for them through nepotism and power play. When once I would have relished more responsibilities, the in-your-face nepotism and strange power play of a self-important manager left me with no desire to carry my enthusiasm past the end of shift.
Wondermark.com pointed me towards this fascinating TED-style lecture by John Cleese, on the subject of creativity. He highlights an idea that is at once both strikingly obvious and enlightening: creativity is limited only by one's environment, and not one's IQ. Having just watched it myself, I feel a surge of relaxation with regards to the coming year. I have an opportunity to reassess why I'm following this career, how I can do it, and discover what was in my way before. I'm going to be very poor at the end of it, but then, when haven't I been poor? I can deal, right?
