You better believe our show is going to rock ultimate!

First of all, I realise I never really have anything interesting to say, but thank you all reading chumps for humouring me through six years of being a blogger, it's been a fun way to wile away the time that I'd otherwise just be watching telly and scratching myself and stuff.

Second of all, you really must look at this picture.

Third of all, have a read of this first draft of

Danger Historian 2: Get The Fuck Out

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - NIGHT

Two boys GORDON and DANIEL are walking through a dark countryside, it is a clear night, but there is very little light. A Twilight Zone-esque tune overlays the first moments of this scene, and fades out to GORDON waffling about Doctor Who, which shall probably be ad-libbed on shooting.

GORDON
...The fact is, Jon Pertwee really was Britain's answer to Captain Kirk. The fact that previous generations of The Doctor's first reaction was to 'run away', Pertwee's Doctor could karate chop his foes into submission with one unconvincing shwing, and was fully trained in Venutian Aikido, if the two got into a fight, who'd you reckon would win?

GORDON looks around. DANIEL has fallen behind.

GORDON
Daniel? Dude, where are you? (pauses) Daniel!

GORDON pauses for a moment before walking back in the direction he'd came. He gets out his phone and dials DANIEL'S mobile. There is no answer, and goes straight to voicemail. Continuing back along the path, picking up pace now, each shot is dynamic and camera unsteady. GORDON eventually arrives at a wall, and decides to follow it back toward street light.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

GORDON arrives back at the cottage door, DANIEL is no where to be seen. GORDON unlocks the door, has one last look around, and heads inside.

INT. COTTAGE LIVINGROOM - NIGHT

GORDON sits down in the lowly-lit livingroom, and stares into middle distance for a moment, before reaching for the home phone and giving DANIEL another call. Still no answer, but this time GORDON leaves a message.

GORDON
Hey, dude, I'm back at the house now, couldn't find you, sorry. If you need to call, I'm gonna stay up anyway, so... Where are you man?

FADE TO:

INT. COTTAGE LIVINGROOM - MORNING

GORDON wakes up suddenly in his chair, and sitting next to him is DANIEL, also sleeping where he is sat.

GORDON
Woah, Daniel! When the fuck d'you come in?

DANIEL
(Awakening suddenly, startled)
Uh, I, dunno.

GORDON
Where'd you go last night?

DANIEL
I'll tell you where...

DANIEL looks directly into the camera with an excited look in his eye. The camera zooms in as the screen FADES TO:

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - NIGHT

The fading rants about Doctor Who alert us to the fact that we have skipped back to last night. DANIEL is falling behind rapidly as he stumbles along, to busy looking through some Magic cards he has brought along.

DANIEL
(Gleefully)
Captivating Vampire, you little priiick!

Torchlight suddenly fills DANIEL's face, blinding him for a moment.

[MYSTERIOUS FIGURE] is out of focus and in silhouette for a moment.

[MYSTERIOUS FIGURE]
You there! What are you doing here?

DANIEL
Who the hell are you?

We pull slowly into focus and the [MYSTERIOUS FIGURE] is revealed as none other than KEIR LAWSON.

KEIR LAWSON
I'm Keir Lawson, now get the fuck out of my documentary!

CUT TO:

The theme song, preferably composed by REALISTIC SUSAN & THE WEEGIE BOARDS but in any case a 70's funk style track. The title Danger Historian 2: Get The Fuck Out rolls over a series of shots of KEIR LAWSON dancing and generally posing.

CUT TO:

KEIR LAWSON standing in midshot delivering an introduction to his documentary, while DANIEL stares confused into the camera, still slightly blinded by the lights.

The following sequence will be scripted on location and improvised. The following will occur and emerge through the backdrop of the Danger Historian documentary. Basically lots of dramatic shots of DANIEL screaming 'why?!' progressively louder and with more desperation. KEIR LAWSON'S conclusion to the documentary however will be told in the style of a comforting word of advice to DANIEL as KEIR LAWSON places a hand on his shoulder.

CUT TO:

INT. COTTAGE LIVINGROOM - MORNING

GORDON wakes up suddenly, and looks to the seat where DANIEL was sitting. DANIEL is not there. DANIEL was never there. He reaches quickly to the phone and dials DANIEL'S number. No answer. GORDON turns to camera, which zooms quickly into a close up.

GORDON
Where's Daniel?

CUT TO:

EXT. ROCKY HILLSIDE - DAY

A wide shot of a hillside landscape, somewhere hidden is DANIEL, only partially visible. Across the screen flashes the words 'Where's Daniel?' as a game show spike tunes in.

FADE TO BLACK

An interlude, if you will ladies and gentlemen, as we enjoy a clip show of quality home movie moments from the holiday.

FADE TO:

EXT. ROCKY HILLSIDE - DAY

The same wideshot, flashing words and games show tune are used. A drum-roll rolls. The camera zooms in toward where DANIEL is hiding, who then emerges, answers his phone, and winks at the camera. The words 'YOU FOUND DANIEL!' flash on screen.

FADE TO CREDITS

As credits roll, preferably more dancing. Definitely more dancing.